I'm going to be honest with you: my house can turn into chaos at times. There are toddler snacks on the couch, a pile of emotions flashcards next to the remote, and at least one person dramatically crying on any given Tuesday.
But here's what I've learned while being a therapist therapy and in motherhood... you don't need the perfect environment to raise emotionally healthy kids. You just need the right tools, and the knowledge of how to use them.
As a licensed mental health counselor and a mom myself, I always get asked : "What do you actually have in your home?" So I put together this list. These aren't sponsored items I've never touched. These are things I reach for, recommend to clients, and genuinely believe in because they help my family keep it together.
For Emotional Literacy (Learning to Name Feelings)
One of the most powerful things you can do for your kids — and honestly for yourself — is build an emotional vocabulary. Kids who can name what they're feeling are significantly more likely to regulate it. That's not therapy-speak. That's just true.
Feelings Flashcards for Kids
I keep these on our coffee table. Accessible. We use them casually "Which one of these feels like how you feel right now?" works so much better than "How are you feeling?" when you're dealing with a kid (or a toddler who only has the word "NO" available to them).
A Feelings Wheel Pillow
Keep this in the playroom or on your kids bed. It expands emotional vocabulary beyond "mad, sad, happy": which is genuinely all most of us were taught. Adults need this too. Especially us moms.
For Calming Down (Regulation Tools)
Here's what most people miss: you cannot teach a child to regulate their emotions during a meltdown. The prefrontal cortex: the thinking, reasoning part of the brain, goes offline when we're dysregulated. You teach the tools when everyone is calm, and then they become available during the storm.
Calm-Down Glitter Jar (DIY Kit)
This is both a craft activity and a tool. You make it together when everyone's in a good mood. Then when your toddler is losing it, you hand them the jar and say "Let's shake it and wait for the glitter to settle." It's a visual timer for their nervous system. The glitter settles = your body is starting to settle. My toddler gets her on her own to calm down - see how we made it in our video.
Weighted Lap Pad
A full weighted blanket can be a lot for smaller kids, but a weighted lap pad is perfect for homework time, car rides, meals, or any moment when a child needs a little extra grounding. The gentle pressure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the "rest and digest" mode. We love these for movie or story time!
Mindfulness Cards for Kids: Breathe Like a Bear
This game with a card deck is something I use in sessions with kids. Simple, illustrated breathing and mindfulness exercises for kids ages 4+. I also use these at bedtime and also when I can feel a meltdown coming on.
Kinetic Sand
Don't underestimate this one. Sensory play regulates the nervous system. Sand play is actually used in formal therapy (called sand tray therapy). At home, it's just satisfying and calming. Good for toddlers who need to move their hands, good for anxious tweens who need something to do while they talk.
For the Anxious Teen or Anxious Mom
My Anxiety Workbook
Written by a therapist, in language that you actually understand and can respond to. Not preachy, not clinical. I recommend this to those struggling with anxiety you keep a copy at home for when the time is right.
A Good Journal with Prompts (not blank)
Blank journals are intimidating. A prompted journal gives anxious kids and teens a starting point. I love ones that ask things like "Three things I'm grateful for that aren't things" or "One thing I'm avoiding and why." Look for ones specifically designed for anxiety of healing...they make a difference.
White Noise Machine
Sleep and anxiety are deeply connected, poor sleep makes anxiety worse, anxiety makes sleep harder. A white noise machine is one of the highest-ROI purchases for anxious kids and adults. We have one in every bedroom. It also creates a little auditory privacy for teens who want to feel like conversations in their room are actually private (which makes them more likely to have conversations in their room).
For the Overwhelmed Mom
I'm not leaving you out of this list. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and I know you've heard that before, but I mean it clinically. A dysregulated parent cannot co-regulate a dysregulated child. Your nervous system is the foundation of your household's nervous system.
"Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts" by Karen Kleiman
If you've ever had a frightening thought as a mom and felt instant shame, this book is for you. It normalizes the intrusive thoughts that are wildly common in new and early motherhood. It's not about what those thoughts mean. It's about why they happen and how to stop fearing them.
Essential Oil Diffuser + Lavender Oil
Essential oils are great for anchoring your nervous system to sensory cues. Lavender has genuine research behind it for reducing cortisol and promoting calm. Running it in your bedroom or during wind-down routines trains your brain to associate the scent with safety. I diffuse lavender every night.
A Sunrise Alarm Clock
Waking up to a blaring alarm spikes cortisol immediately, starting your day in fight-or-flight before your feet hit the floor. A sunrise alarm clock gradually brightens over 20-30 minutes and wakes you gently. The difference in how I feel in the first hour of my day is not subtle. This is the self-care purchase I recommend to exhausted moms.
"Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Tawwab
Every mom I know needs this book. Boundaries aren't walls, they're the thing that makes sustainable relationships possible. Nedra writes about them in a way that's real, direct, and deeply practical. Required reading.
For Bedtime and Wind-Down
The hour before bed sets the tone for sleep...and sleep sets the tone for emotional regulation the next day. Everything is connected.
"Breathe" Board for Toddlers
Short, sweet, teaches belly breathing through interactive boards. Use it as part of your toddler's wind-down routine until breathing becomes something they associate with sleep and not just something you have to coach in a crisis.
Mindfulness Coloring Books
Coloring activates the same calm-focused state as meditation, without requiring anyone to sit still and breathe. My kids use these. There are ones designed specifically for mindfulness practice.
Alarm Clock & StoryTelling Night Light (toddlers, kids up to 9)
Coloring It includes Bedtime Stories & Soothing Music to help make bedtime more relaxing and fun. Comes with a rich library of lullabies and bedtime stories that play through its built-in speaker. Alarms, Schedule, Night Light Color/Brightness & Voice Messages that you can customize for your Child's schedule.
A Few Final Thoughts
None of these items replace connection, consistency, or co-regulation. The most powerful tool you have is yourself, your regulated nervous system, your willingness to sit with a hard feeling instead of fixing it, your ability to say "I hear you" when your instinct is to say "you're fine."
But tools make the job easier. And you deserve tools that actually work.
I'll keep adding to this list as I find new things worth sharing. If you have something that's been a game-changer in your home, drop it in the comments!
Lauren Stevens is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of LionHeart Therapy. She specializes in teen girls, anxious young women, and the moms raising them. Learn more at lhtherapy.org or follow along on Instagram @LHtherapy
Some of these links are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only share things I actually use!